Friday, July 29, 2005

Please. Do Not Hit on Me at the Bus Stop.

I woke up this morning with bad hair. I should have just gone back to sleep.

I was struggling with my third attempt at a hairstyle (a messy top-of-the-head bun that made me look like a pineapple) when Quint grabbed my elbow and pulled me out the door -- we were running late.

You see, we're down to one car right now. The other one got totaled in the flood a few weeks ago. (Don't even get me started...a completely flat city with no drainage system -- good one, team Houston!) Since Quint works farther away, he drives me the mile and a half to the bus stop on his way to work and then I take the bus.

Well, I missed my bus and then ended up getting on the wrong bus, realizing this only after riding for half an hour (I was reading my book). I had to get off, take a bus in the opposite direction to backtrack nearly to where I'd started, and then wait for the bus I should have taken in the first place.

A young guy in a track suit had gotten off the second bus and was waiting at the third stop with me. "Hello, how are you?" he asked. "Good, thanks," I replied, as I usually do unless the greeting is accompanied by inapproriate staring. But understand this: after my quick response -- which I feel is only polite -- I keep it moving.

This fellow had other ideas. "Where are you from?" he asked. Still no objectionable behavior that could excuse me from the conversation (except the annoying use of "where are you from?" as some kind of euphemism for an inquiry into my ethnicity). "New York," I replied and opened my book.

He told me his name and then stuck his hand out for a handshake. I looked up from my book. There it was, hand in mid-air in front of me. Can you leave someone hanging like that? Of course you can -- but since leaving New York I've lost some of my hardness. Here I was, alone at a bus stop with this guy, and the awkwardness of leaving him hanging seemed to outweigh the cost of shaking his hand. So I shook it -- meekly, without offering my name -- and then returned to my book. (I scolded myself for having gone too far down this slippery slope -- but where was I supposed to have stopped?)

"What's your name?" he asked. I responded with, "Do you know what time the bus comes?" He didn't. I alternated my gaze impatiently between my book and my watch.

After a minute, he said,"It was nice meeting you." Success! He's going to leave me alone! "You too," I said, thinking I'd nailed the lid on the conversation. But no.

"I'd like to get to know you better -- can I have your number and call you sometime?" Ok, I think we women all know where this conversation is going, but let me break it down for the fellas.

1. When I say, "No, you can't have my phone boyfriend wouldn't be happy about that," I'm giving you the easy out. Go on your way, now, quietly, unscathed. It's not that there's something wrong with you, it's just that this woman is spoken for. No feelings hurt.

2. No, I do not want to take your number. Yeah, I know, it's hard to believe. I mean, I didn't want to give you my number, but I can understand why you'd think I'd want to take your number. (Seriously, guys -- someone explain to me the logic behind this one. Has this tactic ever resulted in a phone call from a girl? Do you just try to get the digits to save face with yourself? I wouldn't think so because I already gave you the easy out.)

3. No, I still don't want to take your number. I told you, I have a man. (And trust: Quint is a big dude and he will mess you up.)

4. No, I do not want to be your friend, Musiq Soulchild. It's not that I'm not open to making new friends. It's that I try not to make them at bus stops with strangers who have been hitting on me.

5. No, I still don't want to take your number.

Finally, after having to resort to completely ignoring this guy, which is what I should have done in the first place (look what I get for trying to show some civility), Track Suit decided to leave me alone. Yeah, he wasn't even waiting for my bus in the first place -- he crossed the street and stood at the stop to catch a bus in the opposite direction.

I buried myself in my book for a few minutes and then looked up, just to see if he was gone yet. I caught his eye. He started crossing the street back towards me. I can not deal with this crap first thing in the morning.

And just then...I was saved by the bus! Never was I so happy to board a city bus.

"Hello, how are you?" the driver greeted me with a friendly smile. "Good, thanks," I mumbled quietly as I scurried to my seat.


Anonymous shell said...

Is there a kind of spray that wards them off? (Besides pepper spray?)

Do you think this would work? "Oh hi! I'm just on the way to the STD clinic. How are you???" and then act extremely enthusiastic... :D

July 30, 2005 8:50 AM  
Blogger S.C. said...

One great way to discourage an overly enthusiastic guy is to urinate all over yourself in front of him.

Or, just round on him and start screaming insults and made-up stuff about your baby and how he's the father and he'd better not leave and...

I have a mean streak. ;)

July 30, 2005 3:16 PM  
Blogger Wayne said...

So where should guys hit on women?

August 01, 2005 10:07 AM  
Anonymous Camille said... would think the book you were holding would have been enough of clue to keep it movin'.


August 01, 2005 10:39 AM  
Blogger sJea said...

wayne...good question...the problem wasn't so much of WHERE he was hitting on her...but that he wasn't catching the obvious leave me the f*ck alone hints she was sending him...

August 01, 2005 12:58 PM  
Blogger Stephane King said...

You know Kim... I actually have had a girl call me after she refused to give me her #, but took mine? We even went out on quite a few dates... On another note, Quint is pretty big. But I can take him.

August 01, 2005 6:15 PM  
Blogger Stephane King said...

This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

August 01, 2005 6:17 PM  
Blogger LisaBinDaCity said...

I just found you via Opinionistas.

I did just the opposite by the way, I left the South and went to NY :-)

Funny Post!

August 01, 2005 6:51 PM  
Blogger Never teh bride said...

Oh man. I am the queen of pineapple head.

August 01, 2005 7:19 PM  
Blogger PB said...

Okay Pickup Line or Crazy? I was at a bussstop when a guy came up and stood there holding a box in his hands. After a couple minutes he turned to me alittle concerned and said "I hope they don't ask what's in my box."

August 01, 2005 10:25 PM  
Blogger JLR said...

What did I say? You are a magnet for these people!

August 01, 2005 11:23 PM  
Blogger Tanisha said...

OMG Kim,
That was hilarious girl. Yep that's what you get when you come down heer to Tex-ASS.. Men who don't fucking know what NO, HELL NO mean.. LOL. Keep the toughness.. They may hate you in the end but at least you'll have some peace and quiet at the bus stop.. lOL

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