Monday, August 01, 2005

The Wedding Interrupter

There's this guy named Bryan who sits in the cube across from me. He's that guy in the office: the one who's hysterical and loud and full of energy -- the kid with ADD who never should have come off the Ritalin. He's divorced, maybe in his late forties (he told me that his natural hair color is the same as mine, but it's hard to tell with all the grey).

Aside from his physical appearance and the bass in his voice, nothing about this man tells of his age. He's the type that stands in his cube -- without fear of Mayor Matt -- talking loudly to anyone who will listen (often posing questions such as, "Who thinks I can fit ten Mr. Goodbars in my mouth?"). He is constantly breaking into song -- anything from B2K's "Bom Bom Bom" to "Cheese Glorious Cheese" to Snow's "Informer" (which, admittedly, was the jam back in eighth grade). He's told me countless times, in his best Gwen Stefani voice, how to spell "bananas."

I'm quite amused by him, perhaps because I like being distracted from the work I (pretend to) do and because he's taken a liking to me and always includes me in on his jokes. On Friday, he loudly made fun of a lady a few cubes down whose cell phone was going off while she was away from her desk. "Are you going to get that? No, that's not annoying, leaving your cell phone at your desk on full volume." The lady scurried back to her desk and fumbled with her phone, trying to answer it. "You need some help over there? Because the phone is still ringing..." I laughed along with everyone else, but I did feel bad for her -- I can imagine being on the wrong end of Bryan's jokes. It's rumored that a woman once requested a transfer to another department just so she wouldn't have to sit near him. (By the way, Bryan leaves his own cell phone on full volume all the time -- and his plays some sort of weird porn music.)

Anyway, the point of this story is that Bryan had told me Friday that he was planning to interrupt a wedding. Apparently last week he had met two girls in his apartment complex -- one was getting married on Saturday and the other was the maid of honor. The girls were both very upset because the bride didn't want to go through with the wedding but felt she couldn't turn back -- Daddy had already shelled out 20 grand for the shindig.

I was surprised at how passionately ADD-Bryan had spoken about this wedding situation on Friday (it made me wonder about the back story on his divorce). He said he couldn't live with himself if he didn't try to stop this girl from entering into a bad marriage. And so he decided that when the priest asked if anyone objected to the union, he would be that fool who stands up and says "I do."

I didn't even think people did this kind of thing outside of the movies, but then again, Bryan is larger than life. I admired his convictions about marriage, but I don't think I would have ever meddled in a stranger's business like that. I thought about him at 2:00 on Saturday, wondering what was going down at the church.

This morning he came in to the office his usual jovial self. The twinkle in his eye told me he had done the deed -- as did his fat lip. He said we'll have to stay tuned because he wasn't sure what happened with the wedding after his interruption. The only thing he saw was one of the groomsmen introducing his face to the church steps.

I just hope, for Bryan's sake, that the unhappy couple is moving out of his apartment complex.


Blogger hanmee said...

Wow. I don't even know what to say. (As for Mayor Matt, for some reason, I just pictured Mayor McCheese...only more sinister)

August 02, 2005 6:16 AM  
Blogger sJea said...

i like brian...he's a beat of his own drum kinda guy...

August 02, 2005 8:10 AM  
Blogger ~Deb said...

I think everyone has a "Bryan" in their cubical hell, don't they? They're hysterical--and in most cases, gets you through the day.

By the way, great writing, I'm glued to your words! I just popped on for the first time and I didn't get a case of A.D.D. as with some blogs I have come across----(even famous ones)

Keep up the great writing, I'm adding you to my favorites!

August 02, 2005 8:31 AM  
Blogger JLR said...

Please, please, please don't get too busy in law school to write about all the freak jobs you run into. You don't know how much I count on your blog to keep my world in perspective.

And I'm DYING to know more details about what happened at the wedding.

August 02, 2005 9:21 AM  
Blogger Croaker said...

More people should have the nerve to tell people not to make stupid mistakes. I wish someone had done that for me. Then again, I would have sent him out on the steps too. Somethings you have to learn on your own.

August 02, 2005 9:23 AM  
Blogger sj-the-infamous said...

Bryan sounds like good fun...definitely a riot to be around. I'da died had I been there watching the interruption of the wedding. Too damn funny....

August 02, 2005 10:15 AM  
Blogger Pink Lemonade Diva said...

I will most certainly stay tuned!

August 05, 2005 11:19 AM  
Anonymous The Italian Jew said...

LOVE this post. I would LOVE to do what Brian did. Too bad people can't really listen to the voice of reason! :)

August 12, 2005 6:48 PM  

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